Blindfolded

I was sitting there on a bench people watching, my mind jumping from one idea to the another, trying to escape falling in the same trap I am making myself fall into lately and as I was looking around I see a guy and a girl guiding through the street their friend... Blindfolded... She was walking in such a confidence that I was amazed by her trust to her friends, walking in such a joyful way that makes one want to join them! Big  smiles, shining face, pure and simple joy... 

I was talking to God a moment ago... I want to see... I want to understand... where am I going... what ifs of all sorts... And a blindfolded girl and her two friends gave me a lesson! Oh a life blindfolded trusting in my Guide, my Friend (He indeed called me friend) walking in such a pure and simple joy... looking forward to that destination that I will see at the end of that journey or... or walk in that doubt, demanding to see and uncover my eyes... ruin the moment and the surprise!

Choose Life

Today I had life on my mind. I really love life. I have tasted and seen what is life to the fullest with Jesus Christ. But there are days when I wonder what is taking God so long to make His kingdom come already. Today was one of those days. As I was walking home I remembered the well known verse that they use in many antiabortion campaigns where God tells the people of Israel that He placed before them a choice between life and death, curse and blessing and He explicitly asks them to choose life. It is kind of obvious, God, I mean who would want to choose curse and death... And I was thinking about all these debates that go on in trying to decorticate this word, with, against, when, what stage... and all that hassle... but my mind kept getting back to me... oh you self-centered brain! Today, this very day choose life... Right, okay... Not that I am going to abort... I am not close to get even married... Sure I will choose life when it comes to that! And again an urge to choose life today, now, overwhelms me... Choose in your day, this very day life... Choose it over despair, choose it over hopelessness, choose it over gloom, over anything in your life that does not give life... Choose it over the desert of your heart, choose it over your dry soul... Choose life today. One strong, loud message that kept me struck... I arrive home and I want to know more... Why are you giving me this obvious choice Lord? What is it that you put before us to choose from? A life with Me, a life in full relationship with Me... A life that orbits around Me... With all your heart, with all your soul... A life of worshipping me, singing to me, reading me, listening to me... A life all about Me!  And I will restore... I, your Lord, will bring you back from far away, I will breath into you again and again my Spirit, I will give you life, life to the fullest! Today choose life, today choose ME!

Delightfully a Pizza!

I was sitting today and all these things going on. Really a lot falling on my desk, on my mind, on my schedule... I felt there is something I need to get out. I wrote a poem, it did help a bit but I needed something more. The door phone rings... Pizza delivery... None ordered it. He leaves... I was not hungry but there is something delightful in pizza that you can't hear of it and not want it (or at least me). Flat plain bread opening its arms, its heart wide to all the chaos that will fall on, arranging in an beautiful way all the ingredients from the pot to the hot from the hot to the sweet, form the sweet to the sour, form the sour to the top and so on, tomatoes, olives, peppers, cheese, pineapples, you name it! And instead of looking in disdain to what will weigh more on that dough, it welcomes it in a spirit of joy and it gives it the chance to add to the worth of it. 

I told my stuff, my thoughts, my chaos: change of plans... not going to cook despair and spill thing out...welcome to my flat soul and I will bake my pizza with you!

Dory the Myrrhbearer

I love questions. I love asking and being asked. One of my favourite questions is to see with who people would identify if they were a book or movie character. It is very nice to watch how people start day dreaming and give their imagination a go. Responses are really interesting and fun and often time conversation opening... People like to be heroes... Many characters come to my mind when they reciprocate the question and depending on the situation I alter between a few but most time Dory wins. I am a Dory-inspired person! 

At all times there is a need for a hope bearer, someone will will believe that impossible are possible... Dory reminds me of the myrrhbearers, the Marys that went to the tomb... with a childlike faith that the rock will be removed... with a naivety that accept that He is risen... With a joy to give to the disciple that I am sure would have sounded nonsense... almost like talking whale...

I hope I am a good Dory! 

Bism Allah ... Jesus Christ!

Bism Allah. Everything a Muslim does, he starts it with Bisimillah... Bisimillah Al Rahman Al Raheem... In the name of God, the most gracious the most merciful. 

In the name of God... Their whole life starts and ends in the name of God... 

And I started to wonder. Beautiful truly beautiful to want to start all in the name of God... and a very deep mixed feeling rested in my heart, one of true appreciation for that devotion and one of sadness that they do not know the name of that God... that Jesus, that name above all names, still mysterious to them... And then  another thing slaps me... You know His name... Eternal name... A name that if only  you utter it, mountains can collapse and tempest can be quiet... Wake up to saying that name, sleep saying that name, let your mind wander in that name, start every small and big in that name... In the name of God, Jesus Christ!!

Gay... There is Hope

I keep hearing the word "GAY". The more it is repeated, the more hopeful it becomes to me. No not that I am oblivious to the different meaning of that word or trying to make it less of a serious danger or any sort of fantastical thinking... I am finding it comforting to hear it that much used out of it context because somehow it is makes it a wonder, how such a definite word can be so given so strongly another meaning. Deep down when someone will use this word out of the literal old context or definition, they will hear the original meaning, the gay that means happy and it will make them think... Am I... Am I truly gay... Where is this happiness... and sooner or later I believe this quest will end where it should end, whether here now or up there, it will end at the source of all joy... In hope that choosing to that word will lead provoking thoughts inside their being that takes them back to the proper definition, that nothing will give us gaiety unless we are found and found in Him... For every seeking soul will find (will be found)... He promised!

The beer... The beer bottle...

I like to watch everything around me. It never gets boring or familiar. One of my favourite thing to watch is people. How they act, how they talk, how they move, how they how anything.... But often times I notice life in inanimate things, not exactly life, but a presence or a character... and sometimes I carry this thing in my mind for a while till it gives birth, rather suddenly to a "wow that's a lesson I must learn" kind of prompting.

The beer... The beer bottle...

I see her beautifully gathering all these people around her, without distinction... She really makes her inside accessible for all... generously... She is not proud and does not mind if the conversation does not turn around how old she is or how meticulously brewed it was (I am sorry wine!)... The beer bottle will not harm you at seconds or make you dizzy... She will respect you boundaries without restricting them (sorry vodka). She is interesting too, resembling a bit a knowledgeable gentleman who can talk any topic... bit and pieces from around the globe! I have noticed as well a very genuine desire in her to be discreet and rather modest... when you try to pour her out she will cover herself in this white pretty veil... Beer is cheerful too! It comes from a deep joy I think she has, a joy that is rooted in her knowing of the love her maker had in her... and her consumer will have in her...

I am sure there is a million other thing I can learn from her, but for the moment I will let this sink in me well!

Little Prince... thank you...

Today in the morning my dad made me read a passage in scripture. I thought it was nice... for him... It did make my braincells work but not enough to cause a serious trouble... Then I got to work and my friend shares the same line... I thought well, I do not know how it will work in my case...

But then break comes and I want to read a bit from Little Prince, a book I really really love... I read...

Quand le mystère est trop impressionnant, on n'ose pas désobéir.
When a mystery is too overpowering, one dare not disobey.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I dare not disobey. I have heard this overpowering mystery speak to my very core! It was not a plea, it was not a suggestion, not even a teaching, it was a command... and I dare not disobey.

I thought I was not equipped, I thought oh from where do I start... and that Voice kind of poked me... told me take that first step and obey... Obey in accepting... that He can and I in Him me will be...

Bless the Lord, my soul

Today I copy my title...

Bless the Lord my soul, bless the Lord, bless the Lord, bless the Lord, give thanks to the Lord, give Him thanks for all He has done, Eucharisteo... Job. Paul. Silas. The Saints. And my mind is in a loop, repeating for the last few days, these words, names, phrases... in constant repetition... There is power is this word...Bless... Chains broke free... Bless... The bread and wine... Bless... Satan lost his game... Bless the Lord... And I wondered... Where does all this power come from... And curious I searched the etymology of that word... Hoping that in its roots I find its heart... and I did... Bless... From blood... Blood of consecration. wow. I. speechless... wow again! The power of that word, the power of bless and blessing and blessed and all what is related to that mighty word come from the Blood of consecration... And what blood thought I of... What other Blood could it be!! The Blood of the Lamb... of the Ram of God... And if I can utter any blessing is because He unlocked that river... And if I pour my heart in blessing the Lord it is only because He is the source... And if bless come from blood... I will for the last drop of that blood of mine bless... Bless the Lord!

In Love or out of it...

You do not really want me to love you. When I love, I bother! I will want to share my ideas with you and get you gifts and memorize dates you do not even care about... I will express, show and sometimes even embarrass you (and probably myself too in the process). I do not want to bother and I worry a lot but I kind of don't know any other way... Terrible, horrible and all you wish to insert of annoying words is my love. 

When I love, I love! And today I was wondering a lot about it and I was not sure if I really wanted to think about it because it somehow hurts, it really really hurts... There is an intensity in love that is so powerful, so... Intense. An incomparable joy with such an incomparable fear... A paradoxical couple...

And then, a very lovely friend of mine sends me the too well known quote  from "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis, the one that talks about the vulnerability of loving. Too much of a coincidence on a day like that... or not really. In the shower this morning I took the most brilliant decision (or I thought it was) that no more, no really no more of me opening my heart to any, any kind of love! Today I will be quiet, I will focus on my stuff and not mind anyone or anything I thought! But as soon as I got out it failed (I saw my dear mum!). But the idea of wanting to be reluctant was stuck with me... I wished I was able to retain it, contain it, just stop myself... My mind kept pressing my heart to accept this but my heart kept saying  "leave me in peace!" "I was made to love, love Him and love his creation". Like soda bubbles my heart did not want to be still... oh but this is foolishness said my brain... and perhaps it is... but then there is this choice I have to make everyday, will I be in Love or out of it and if God is love... Will I be in God or out of Him... Will I be broken to give Him a way to heal me or stay an unbreakable stone away from any possible way for His Spirit to comfort. Today I made my choice!

You must be jealous!

Where are you David, come, come and see to yourself the beauty of the One you sang for in Spirit in the time of old... Come and taste now what you had only a foretaste of before... I know His name... I have seen Him and touched Him and I know! I know Him... Christ is among us! Jesus Christ... Beautiful beyond description... Beau.ti.ful! Jesus... What a name! And to the holy of holies He took me... To a presence that fills the senses to drunk-likeness... And in the Spirit a new song I sing ceaselessly... My heart leaps for joy! and guess what David? guess what? It is endless! To the overflow of the overflow of the overflow... Water without end... Of His fullness I live... A grace upon grace upon grace... 

You might call me mad but you must be jealous! You must!

ps. I know that you read my blog David son of Jesse!

Hard Skinned Turtles

I never knew that the carapace of the turtle was alive until an unfortunate event happened. We love to colour in my family and my sister thought that it would be beautiful if we paint our little turtle's Tut in acrylic paint. So we painted each square a colour with a shiny varnish at the end with pretty little shiny stars in it. It was wonderful, but a couple of days later we noticed that Tut was not eating... We thought she was sad so we talked  to her more and we sang her happy songs... we even got her very yummy looking lettuce... but no hope! Later we took her to the doctor and he informs us that Tut was dead and explains that the wood-like carapace actually is not a dead block but a very much alive one like our skin and the paint blocked her pores...

I have been wondering how many times I considered some people like Tut's carapace dead and hard skinned and I gave up on them... And how many time His mercies softened my dead stoned heart... And I hope I learn to do the same...

Rest in Peace Tut and thank you for the lesson!

You Want that Look

Every year I plant a type of bulb flowers. 

I plant because it teach my soul. I am too slow for this world that sometimes I feel overwhelmed but seeing the slow pace flowers live by encourages me to keep my steps steady.

This year it was tulip time! (Many fancy this flower)

I watch the process from sprouting to decay with great admiration and awe before the Beautiful Breath that keeps us all, plants and being, alive...

The tulips bloomed and it was spectacular, my colleagues, my family, my friends, all who saw them smiled (call it the flower-effect!) but day after day it was loosing it's glow and bending it's neck and day after day a petal would fall till my beloved tulip had no more clothe on... Naked it was facing the wind and sun. And then it it got straight again! When it lost all its petals, it stood tall again! It was so pretty, all green, bare, simple but so new, so fresh... indeed so pretty! It looked nothing like a tulip but I knew it was... I knew its essence, I planted that bulb !

All this...from looking like a tulip to looking like a weed, from bending to rising again made me wonder and today it made sense! 

Remove this image you have in your head about yourself ! It will decompose, it will burden, you will fall... Come naked before me, I know your essence, it is I who created you... I know you... It is my look upon you that matters and it is that look you crave for... It is My glory that you want! It is My light you want to bear... Glorious glowing dresses you wear will mean nothing before what I will clothe you with... You success in making around you smile will mean nothing before the joy you will bear and share when you look for that Look... the Look of your Lord!

Fortune Telling

Turkish coffee...

About more than a year ago I decided to brew Turkish coffee for my colleagues, everyday that now they think it is part of my job description. I have to admit that I have never had this kind of coffee but to my utter surprise it seems that I do it very well, or maybe, as usual, they are too kind. In all cases it is a very beautiful process and a time I look forward to in my day.

The coffee bean are grounded to the finest possible powder (or brought that way) then put in hot water then boiled and boiled and boiled till that lovely foam formed goes away... all the way with a lovely music filling the room, the music of  the spoon hitting against the coper coffee pot and the aroma of freshness. A morning enjoyable routine... A delightfully slow, very slow process...

And perhaps this cup is telling me my fortune... A slow slow process with grinding and boiling with the music of His hand whisking my life and a smell of beautiful joy coming out my soul...