As before

I wish sometimes that when I look at letter I know, to have the ability not to read it, or if I look at a picture not knowing  what it is and then get it, I wish I could go back to the state of not getting it but at the same be able to know it. 
I wonder if something like this could be possible except in cases of some loss or damage in the brain but then it does not make you able to know it at all.
I can never see myself without the changes that happened in my life. Was it good or bad! And I started to think that everything works this way. But it did not seem right... and a peaceful thought came to my mind that God does look at me, with my whole changes, as before, as His own image.

Gracious

Merriam-Webster Dictionary (online edition)

gra·cious

 adj \ˈgrā-shəs\

Definition of GRACIOUS

1

a obsolete : godlyb archaic : pleasing, acceptable

2

a : marked by kindness and courtesy <a gracious host>b : gracefulc : marked by tact and delicacy : urbaned : characterized by charm, good taste, generosity of spirit, and the tasteful leisure of wealth and good breeding<gracious living>

3

: merciful, compassionate —used conventionally of royalty and high nobility

— gra·cious·ly adverb

— gra·cious·ness noun

By the River...

Sometimes it seems to me that I am living on the edges of life and I feel many things are passing by me. But today I thought that it might be different, it might be that I am living at the edges of death at the other side of that river but sometimes my feet slip in it and it might give me a sense of belonging to it and it might carry me, but fortunately I have people around me poking me asking me what I am doing down there and showing me His hands stretched to take me again to the shore.


This reminded me a well of the Psalm 137: 1-6 (ESV)

How Shall We Sing the Lord’s Song?

1 By the waters of Babylon,
there we sat down and wept,
when we remembered Zion.
2 On the willows there
we hung up our lyres.
3 For there our captors
required of us songs,
and our tormentors, mirth, saying,
“Sing us one of the songs of Zion!”
4 How shall we sing the Lord’s song
in a foreign land?
5 If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
let my right hand forget its skill!
6 Let my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth,
if I do not remember you,
if I do not set Jerusalem
above my highest joy!

So Many Legs!

I am always fascinated when I see my dog walking, in fact all dogs! How coordinate are their moves! Way too funny and cute how they go "in out in out in out"!

But to my pleasure, God created insects! They have so much more legs! It is amazing it is how they are so so synchronised! I imagine them doing a dance or treading lightly at a music they can only hear, and I believe even the best dancers and choreographers can not get to imitate their perfection even to the slightest degree- well except if it's Irish tap dancing!


This all fills me with wonder and gives me rest - to just watch my dog and these insects moving ! It is only a little story, a tiny  hint, of  how detailed and perfect God was when He created, how He set everything together in a very peaceful yet very organized way!

Bananas

Bananas are very cool! They go from green to nice shiny yellow to spotted soft yellow. The transformation process is very fascinating and the sweet thing is that it taste differently from stage to stage but still edible and always a good treat! 


I think bananas age with grace, the older the more dotted, the more dotted the sweeter. I hope I will age like a banana! 


And when we do a fruit salad at home we do not add the banana except just before serving the cup because if we open it too early it becomes black and ruined. I think I must shift this lesson to other things in my life too!

Eyelashes

I often wondered how God thought of eyelashes! But then I remember that He thinks of all pretty things. 
They are beautiful but no one would site them if they are naming body organs or mention they had an issue with them like head or stomach or even fingers. 
In fact very much unnoticeable and yet very noticeable when it comes to aesthetic, their role might not be so brilliant as my heart or my ears, but I could not think my face without them!
Oh and sometimes, just when it is crucial to their existence, they decide to fall in my eye and prove their power! You could not miss that!

God is not Pheonician

Pheonicians were renowned traders and merchants. They always ended up winning the deals: getting the best of all situations.
God took my worst at the highest price that could ever be paid and all my goods are already a gift from Him! I wonder if He could ever be a member of the High Pheonician Council of Merchants!
But now my worth  is His worth and my price is His Blood, dare I make a losing trade and waste His generous offer!!

In Joy

I was wondering if like when we say I am in pain we can say I am in joy. If this is not proper English I think it deserve to be! 

Today everything is in Joy, all things are in the most deep, most meaningful, most joyous Joy! Except the one (and all those who are under his dominion!) who convinced himself that he could conquer the Giver of Joy, the Creator of all right and beautiful!

Today I decided to wake up again! To wake up and decalre that Morning is full and there is no more room for sleep!

O Earth, O Earth, return!
Arise from out the dewy grass!
Night is worn,
And the morn
Rises from the slumberous mass.
From the Introduction of  "Songs of Experience" by William Blake

Posture

I have the tendency to walk with my shoulders down. I thought it was physical because I felt bad being taller than the other girls around me but that reason did not really convince me deep down... I think it has something to do with the way I think about myself and the silly tricks my mind play on me, things like I need to feel bad about myself and all that... But God refuses to leave any area be it silly or not without bestowing grace and insight, yes even shoulders. So I was wondering about my posture and I remembered a verse that really touched my heart:

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.
Isaiah 60:1 (ESV)

So I decided, I will rise and I will lift my head and my shoulders and walk victorious, in my physical and spiritual walk for the glory of the Lord has risen on me indeed!

My Colleague

My colleague, is so beautiful (like the picture of the purple flowers)! She has a heart full of compassion! Kindness beyond imagination! 
I always thought I am very blessed beyond what I deserve but today this thought was so before me, so concrete because of her!

Sometimes I start to treat her like she is my age because she is so humble but it hit me everytime I realise she is more than double my age!

Today, in fact, was one of these day where anything she does hit my nerves because or I would do it differently or I was so overwhelmed with work that one more word will seem like a text, and logically after such a day I would never come to love her more but it happened! I loved everything about her today! I wondered why and I honestly found no reasonable answer. I just felt I need to stop and thank God for how much to the details He takes care of me!

Soap Bubbles

I love soap bubbles! They have mini-rainbows in them! They are fun and make almost all people smile, they bring joy! Cats a too are fascinated by these and try to follow it!They are nicely scented, they can do shapes, they can fill useless space! Simply they are so cool!


But their mystery is in their delicacy! Attachment harm it and will be an obstacle for it to fly high and to be held it needs great gentleness and  will only land if the surface is safe. Isn't it too much like humans?!

Reminded

♪♫♪

It is very gracious that God gave us to be able to form tunes in our mind . 

Sometimes when things go really sad I find myself humming a tune and I feel that without my words ( just my noise), God is hearing my heart.

Other times when I am very glad and I need to really find the right words to express it, it comes out like this "la la la lala"

Or other time simply to entertain myself or to annoy my sisters or or  in the shower!! 

Brushes

Now unlike mirrors, rarely stories mention brushes. 
How sad! Because I find brushes very interesting.
It makes me giggle when I feel the brush against my palm!
It is very funny, like try brushing your arm! 


Plus brushes are the reason people often consult mirrors. 
How many times we forget the reason  because we are so consumed by what we wait from it!

Mirrors

Mirrors interested people since ever!

From the myth teller of Narcissus to any creative wanna be art person, reflections  were a fascination.

They portrayed so well the ugliness, the scary side, and it is understandable for they looked right in it. And yet there was subtlety in it, something they wanted to show through but could not grasp it... 

Maybe would they have looked from above they would have seen beauty, had they looked it past the effect of this world and more into the Model they were made from and like...

Oh and how could I forget snow white! And just to tease the old witch: When I look in my mirror, it always says I'm the prettiest!

Letters

So I can type this and read it because a collection of shape makes sense to me and to many others! This is so very nice, you put your pen do a shape and  taramm it's something meaningful!
But for me Chinese letters  make no sense but they do give me an idea of what it is, after all I knew it's Chinese!
It got me thinking that maybe my shapeless life is not so shapeless after all,  like a letter in another Book or Language and Someone knows how to read it better than I do, for to me it only looks like a foreign things, but to God, I'm known!

The Watcher!

Today I saw a cat almost catching a bird! The bird, a very tiny one, barely escaped. It was thrilling! I had to shout in the office, thought the cat did not hear me but unwillingly I had to shout.

Cats are pretty creatures, but sometimes dangerous, this bird needs to know when to be around  it and when to flee it!
Oh and that cat did not see me, the bird neither! But I was there,  invisible to both but present! I was watching and if the bird was unable to escape I am sure I would have opened my window in haste and freaked the cat so she leaves the bird alone. 
The outcome of this dangerous adventure was gorgeous! I've been tracking  this bird (a very remarkable nightingale)  for a month or more now,  and it was the first time I see him so high and fast! Amazing!


It made me think of little and big things. The fight we are in, the  battle, the failures, the victory,...the almost escaping! The Watcher!

Oh! What was it?!

I forgot what i wanted to say here.
So i will talk about forgetting and remembering!

It happen a lot to me to try to remember something that i am so sure I know but I forget at the moment. It is funny because I can't stop myself thinking about it till I find the answer!
I love when it happens. It is an amazing thing. At first i get frustrated but then I really begin to enjoy the quest! I love when I conquer my memory.
I love when i forget something, and I love when i remember it so very much.

Shadows! They remind me of all this They are such a cool thing. You can't exactly know what it is but at the same time you quite know what it is... And you set yourself to know that thing in the light, face to face.
There is something in humans, trace and shadows of their true nature, that's why they always seem look for something, or someone... And when they find it, or Him, their lives gets its shape. They remember their source.

God does not forget His people.
God remembers their sins no more.

A Peaceful Death

I was thinking about life and death...

I remembered my bulbs, the ones that the person who takes care of the maintenance in the office killed accidentely. 

I replanted those and everyone in the office thought that I was crazy (a fairly true judgement ) but I did that anyway and prayed they would live again.

Surprisingly (or not very much so because I know my God when it comes answering prayers) they began to form green tiny thing that will come to full bloom in spring.

It was amazing, seeing them coming to life again.

Life and death come in an inseparable duo. A sure and peaceful heart regarding the end is the impulse to a lively and confident existence. 

I get sad when I see people looking at death as something morbid, they seem to have a very gloomy life. 

Oh! I am not referring to the prevailing meaning of wanting to die as in wanting everything to stop, a meaning that comes from exasperation and hopelessness. What I am referring to is the particular meaning of death that comes from knowing that  life came to us through the Death of Christ, that meaning which gives you an eagerness to live, to do more because fear is conquered.

Living because He died and dying because He lives.

I want to remind myself about it...
It is like like when you hold your breath for so long and then let it go...
It is not a feeling... It is like when you want to say something but you keep thinking of the rights words but they won't come, or like an image so so clear in your head that it almost looks like nothing?!
It is more like a knowledge but a knowledge you are not sure you know it enough or understand it well...

But I'll try to shape it a bit... 

The thunder and flower and oceans and rivers...

A merciful hand over us. Transforming
Hurtful falls and deep wounds...  a Spirit consoling repairing, renewing !
Tears 

Smiles
The eyes of people and stories behind them...
Beauty... beautiful beauty!
Love on a cross... Of Christ!

An inexplicable joy and unexpected peace...
Miracles that happen every second or fraction of second...

Insanity... of radical choices... of martyrdom... made possible because of Him and for Him...
Gracefully aging!

Failures! Of a second and third and fourth try

Undying Hope, of a Resurrected King


A song you can't stop singing, 

Something that resembles a lifetime of wondering!

It is hard when souls try to speak... Saint Augustine describes is so eloquently:

Beauty so ancient and so new
Late have I loved you, Beauty so ancient and so new,
late have I loved you!
Lo, you were within,
but I outside, seeking there for you,
and upon the shapely things you have made I rushed headlong,
I, misshapen.
You were with me, but I was not with you.
They held me back far from you,
those things which would have no being
were they not in you.
You called, shouted, broke through my deafness;
you flared, blazed, banished my blindness;
you lavished your fragrance, I gasped, and now I pant for you;
I tasted you, and I hunger and thirst;
you touched me, and I burned for your peace.

Augustine, Confessions X.27.38