Giver of life

Do you remember the story of the valley of bones? When the prophet of old prophesied upon them so flesh and skin grew around it? When with a simple sentence they came unto life, myriads upon myriads of dead coming to life?

Do you remember the story of that pile of mud formless that it was was made human with one breath?

Do you remember the stories of the millions of nothingness making millions of sense and bringing forth endless stories of love and hate?  of hope and despair? of beauty and disdain? of life and death?

Do you remember your utter shame when you  danced as free as the wind but saw all these eyes upon you?

Do you sit there looking upon that empty ceiling wondering why did we not think painting it sky, moon and stars for ourselves but did it for kids? Why we have grown old to contemplate the sun and ponder about the colour of wine only to sip it a gulp at a time?

Within me that hallow of a heart I gripped! Among hazy images of daises white and yellow I found me dancing. Slightly touching the fresh green grass with the tips of fingers I felt it. I was flying. As I was plunging into the blue sky, treading rather lightly the path of sanity  Shadows threatening... drinking songs rising... With the crow and raven I danced... with the myth and mysteries I flattered... I rubbed myself so close to emptiness that I was filled to the brim with the delights of endless echoes. Between the silences of the songs of my soul I heard it calling.  Between the drums, the rising rhythm of the tribes gathering around the fires, pieces of my scattered thoughts started to take shape... Between the cracks of the trees emerged the leaf. I laid there feeling blood running through my veins. My dry bones ached. Flesh was forming and it was not pleasant. Do you remember the story of the valley of bones? When the prophet of old prophesied upon them so flesh and skin grew around it? When with a simple sentence they came unto life, myriads upon myriads of dead coming to life? He breathed and it came to be? A rush of emotions ran through me at once... all the shame, all the tears, all my fears, all my anxious being... that stinking death that was about me... fell as a final curtain falls. You know it is done. It was done with me. Life took me as her prisoner. The giver of life was silenced once and for all for me. Death took hold of me an instant but Life set me free forever.

I may dwell aimlessly but I have  found me an eternal home where the ceiling is painted of all the stars of eternity and the flowers of the world... where the sun never sets and the fires never burn... where I dance shamelessly before every gazing eye... For the Giver of Life breathed unto me.

Summer Spinet

Behold the Handfuls... 

Our Master's field is very rich; behold the handfuls. See, there they lie before thee, poor timid believer! Gather them up, make them thine own, for Jesus bids thee take them.

A teacup. 
Some fresh mint, crushed seedless grapes, and iced black tea! A kind person making a living out of brewing  tea... at a stand on one hot summer night. I had my cup refilled all that evening. Unsolicited. Gratis.

A backseat book.

Token of gratitude for a totally deliberate service.

Two Flower shoots.

A generous lady pulling out two lovely flower giving plant to re-pot at home so I may have angels visiting me every single time they bloom!

A few too many other generous thoughts towards me

We are to regard existence as a raid or great adventure; it is to be judged, therefore, not by what calamities it encounters, but by what flag it follows and what high town it assaults. The most dangerous thing in the world is to be alive; one is always in danger of one’s life. But anyone who shrinks from that is a traitor to the great scheme and experiment of being.

– G.K. Chesterton

A beautiful picture of Paris on a pink flaming evening...

A Saint.
In Memoriam... 

And when Sam heard that he laughed aloud for sheer delight, and he stood up and cried: 'O great glory and splendour! And all my wishes have come true!' And then he wept.      And all the host laughed and wept, and in the midst of their merriment and tears the clear voice of the minstrel rose like silver and gold, and all men were hushed. And he sang to them, now in the Elven-tongue, now in the speech of the West, until their hearts, wounded with sweet words, overflowed, and their joy was like swords, and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of blessedness.      And at the last, as the Sun fell from the noon and the shadows of the trees lengthened, he ended. 'Praise them with great praise!' he said and knelt.

– J.R.R. Tolkien

A Wedding. My Sister's!

You have set upon their heads crowns of precious stones.They asked life of You, and You gave it to them.

And so starts September... 

Of Iced Coffee and Narrow Paths

And so it is... In this hot weather I decided to chill my coffee...

I sat there watching the ice cubes enjoy their little swim in the beautiful sea of dark aromas. After a few dances they decided to rest in an almost perfect circle at the edge of the cup. Almost perfect because one cube was missing to complete the ring! 

I kept trying to fix it with the straw but alas, I was making it worse, melting them away... I stopped trying and took a sip and then another... then looked again into the cup for some sort of revelation and I saw it right there: the complete circle, the perfect ring! Effortless... except maybe for a couple of massive glups! 

I knew I was hitting the bottom. I was hitting it in that cup, I was hitting it in the cup of life I am drinking too. But right there at the very bottom, the gap was tighter, the loop was closed. I remembered the narrow road... I remembered the path I have chosen... I remembered why I was drinking that cup... and I remembered that as we draw nearer to the centre, as we draw near the source, it gets harder but it gets perfect too... And I saw them together, these lovely cubes, almost vanishing but in a beautiful unity as if resting after a long race... and right then and there, I lifted up my eyes from the depth... and from the depth...

De profundis clamavi ad te, Domine...

Let's drink to that!

Of Choices and Life (again!)

I have been having trouble to sleep these couple of days therefore you get the fruit of my sleeplessness- an old memory, a timeless ramble! 

​I have realized that at the last breath, when you have given everything you could give for someone or a cause, and the doors get slammed in your face and you feel utterly destroyed, your heart feels shredded and perhaps your dignity lost or at least in your mind your image fails to meet the standard you have set for yourself or they have set for you, when your blood wants to stop running and you just want the world the pause... It is when you feel you have no more choices but to resign... I have realized that it is then that you have all the choices... It is then that the eternal choice "today choose between life or death" is offered to you on a silver tray and your decision at that moment will set your life either to destruction or to rise from its pit and sore on wings of eagles... 

It is then that you are before the ultimate choice to either choose Him or choose yourself and that choice will matter a matter of life and death!

Hiding our scars is a truly natural thing perhaps. I imagine no one wants to be walking around with stains on their blouses or with with huge birthmarks on their foreheads!

But there they are, and there we are and we have to live with then until we grow accustomed to it, till it reaches the point where they slumbers back in the dark chamber of our mind. We consecrate time to conceal our own imperfection, our hurts, our flaws, sometimes even ourselves... And we walk confidently, with a conviction that these scars are gone, with a conviction that even if it still murmurs at the hour of our sleep, even if it stings occasionally, they are invisible. But they are not, and for a reason.

We fear... We fear we sucked up all God's mercies, and received all His miracles and healing. We fear that if we let show, if we let it be, it will disgust others.

We fear judgement and more ironically we fear His judgement. We are afraid to look like a failure or worse, to be one! And when someone or something sees and discovers us beyond our make-up, beyond our fancy clothing we tremble. And when we are naked before God at these dark hours of the night, we shake... How is it possible... Impossible... In the glorification of the all-mighty-Me, we attribute to self all the achievements of our live, we worship our goals, we daydream our plans one more time, we crown our intelligence... And when we face this piercing eye that saw beyond all these the true us, we shrink and sink... But funny enough, we rise up again rapidly, not to see the truth but to proceed, yet another time, to paint our wounds again and to wear a new mask, to rise up again to a reality, if it deserves to be called that way, where we are in control.

But today there is a call, there is is really this choice, there is a Christ, standing before our eyes, on the edge of our souls, calling us to give him our brush, to shake that fear and return to Him. To get naked, bare, vulnerable... and He whispers, "You have seen nothing my friend and tasted only the appetizers of my table"... "Do you believe I grow tired? Do you believe I grow blind? Do you think I ever forget my own? Was it not me who called all the weary to give me their burden? Was it not me that took your pain once and twice and trice? Was it not me who washed you clean? Was it not me who took up your sins in my body to that shameful cross? Am I not able to carry a scar, a weakness, a deep pain a million time again? I have seen it bleeding and healed it to seal but I can still see its mark and I want it upon my very own heart!, I want it mine and I want you free." And this whisper changes to a firmness one cannot ignore... 

"I AM, I am the lamb who was slain, I am the Saviour of the World. I am the truth way and life... And I implore you, If you believe my words and hold on to my promises, to dare once again uncover yourself before my throne, the throne of my Grace!"​

Our choice then is what will make all the difference! Because that God who spoke is waiting for our "here I am, I let you in, once again" 

And if that scar remains, it lost its power and is only there to remind us of the greatness of the Most Humble Lord- Where, O death, is thy sting? where, O death, thy victory?!

Of Loosing Books and other Surpassing Gains!

"Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

Luke 6:38

It is with deep regret and profound sadness that I inform you of my loss of 

A Tale of Two Cities

My Antonia

The little Flowers of Saint Francis

But they will live forever in  my heart!

 I have let other people borrow them with the vow that they will return them when they are done- either they are not done reading them or they have broken their vows and I choose to believe the first option! I would have asked them, of course but obviously I have no clue who they were- blame the memory or the weather that day! 

It is with deep joy and profound grateful that I inform you of my gain of 

I could not possibly write all what  the Lord bestows on his beloved.

But let  pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

Let me recount all his benefits to me with David, and proclaim his glories with Elijah

Let me tell of his mercies with Mary Magdalene and shout his salvation with Paul

Let me declare his power with Moses and announce his wonderful deeds with Gabriel

Let me sing his praises with Mary 

Let me live and die for Him. 

Let me pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

For He has been good to me.

My heart leaps up when I behold (sorry Willie, not a rainbow in the sky), how for every loss of a precious book I have gain a wonderful friendship. 

My heart leaps up when I behold (sorry Willie, not a rainbow in the sky), how for every tear I shed I have been surprised with a million deeper joy. 

Let me  pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

A Late Bloomer

I have discovered that there are seasons for everything in life- O the revelation! 

Qoheleth discovered this some five thousands something years ago! 

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven!

Ecclesiastes 3:1

But to each their time and season- ya know! 

I think this is my first video here! I really love when artist give a little introduction to their song!
♥ This is a song my aunt used to play for us over and over again when we were younger ♥

It is the wonderful time of the year, again, between March and May where everything is in glorious bloom and sweet smell!

The time for swing and swinging ♪♫♪

It is the time when bulb flowers we plant in January to open up. This year it was the honour was for Hyacinths in my tiny little city garden!

I have been waiting for what I will learn from them this year- for without fault, every year I have been learning something from this simple planting habit! Life is pretty generous when we live it to the fullest! It is true that He came to give us the fullness of life!

A very generous friend of mine helped me this year in choosing the right architectural shape we want these hyacinths to grow! We were almost perfect, except that we left one bulb aside!

I thought we will plant it in a small pot and then she will take it when it opens up! To our infinite sadness it did not grow properly! For a whole month I saw her die slowly while the other were in wonderful health, growing and becoming so pretty! My heart ached for her so I decided to do a little transfer and put it in the ground near a bigger Gardenia plant! It seemed to like it but it still did not really grow, but at least it stopped becoming brown!

Last Saturday, I was praying in the morning and I suddenly remembered her- I prayed for her and after prayer I went to check on it! And lo and behold! It stated to do little small pink flowers! I was overjoyed!

This event could not get out of my head and a few little thoughts kept coming to my mind:

We are not trees and if our soil is infested- move under the shadow of His wings! He will stop the death of our souls, will take away what browns our days! Will renew our strength!

If we think our lives are slow and idle- they are not! We press on toward the goal every day to reach our heavenly destination!

That there is always hope- everything is beautiful in its time! Now when they all died, this little left behind one is a true gift!

Comparison is the thief of joy indeed! I was so sad for this little bulb only because I saw the other ones opening so marvelously filling the air with their scents! 

No one is left behind- no matter how many times we think God might have forgotten us- He did not and will not! 

Ad Summum! I really wanted to end with a poem today and I thought this one was truly fitting and beautiful!

Holy Sonnet X

By John Donne

Death be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so,

For those, whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,

Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,

Much pleasure, then from thee much more must flow,

And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,

Rest of their bones, and souls deliverie.

Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,

And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,

And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,

And better than thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;

One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,

And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Paper Punchers

Summer, O sweet summer! A shower of blessing and goodness fell upon me because of you ! You were full with beautiful weddings of beautiful wonderful people! All of them so very simple, so very convivial, so very peaceful, so very full of joys, full of grace!

Before one wedding in particular, I was thinking of how my marriage will have- must have- confetti!! And for some reason I was convicted in my heart to make a proposal- not the kind of "down on one knee" ones- but with the conviction to offer my brilliant idea "for my own wedding" to this absolutely amazing wife-to-be (wife now!! woohoo!). So I let her know a month ahead that I will be punching heart and flower shaped confetti out of nicely coloured papers and throw them at her entrance- or exit, or whenever- it's always a good time for confetti!. She accepted so very gladly and I started! Punching and punching and punching and emptying then punching again and so on! Finally I filled a huge garbage bag of these and I was so proud of myself! You know, I hope, that when the word proud comes there is always a fall after it! And it was a hard one! One of our bosses at the office decided to do a massive clean-up of the centre and rented a minivan to transport all useless stuff that has been laying around here and there! Including my precious punched craft paper! The Friday just before the wedding! I was utterly crushed! But as after all falls, I hope we raise, an sweet lady offered her help and bought fresh beautiful flower petals and decorated cones to hold them and saved the day! The bride was conffettied! I was glad!

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Since then, this lovely set of paper punchers has been sitting on my desk begging for my attention! I thought many times to take it back home but there was something always keeping me from doing it- my forgetfulness is to blame a wee bit too!

I was contemplating this box the other day when all of a sudden it spoke its purpose.

I was thinking, looking at this box, about how amazing love is, how powerful it is an how it can pierce our hearts! I have been pondering this because I have been getting to know r a couple of wonderful beings that my heart took is so fondly! The love I have for them seems to hurt a bit! Lewis spoke about grief feeling like fear, I think love feels a lot like pain when it comes to the depth of the heart and the feeling! This is when paper punchers explained everything! I thought that each person is like a sweet lovely paper puncher with a particular beautiful shape and if we take them in our hearts they will punch it and make this beautiful shape in our hearts that hurts a bit but then becomes an art work! 

I am a very lucky human being! Many have punched my heart and left their amazing shapes in me- some went, some will go- though I wish it not- but all have marked me eternally! I pray I will never be afraid to let anyone in and keep getting punched to have this wonderful masterpiece heart at the end!

Clavicle: An Apology

Love is too young to know what conscience is; 
Yet who knows not, conscience is born of love? 
Shakespeare 

Edward Weston - Tina Reciting 1924 ©

I have a very showing clavicle. I did not like it at all. In fact it is the only bone I hated, I am in love with all other bones, I even know the names of the feet ones by heart!! I used to think maybe I was meant to be a Queen in a dry land where I would store the rain in the space between my bone and shoulder and then I would channel water to the thirsty population... I just really wanted to be a queen...

I have a friend in my life that has a very moving sense of beauty. Very real and true. She kept telling me that these bones are a beautiful mark of femininity.... I took her words to be honest but I did not feel they were applied to mine... Mine was more like a bow and my words were the arrows! Time passed and I forgot about the bow that was in my body until the day I truly do not know how it happened but I started to believe my friend! Her love, genuine love, made me conscious of the beauty God created.  

Today I want to apologize to my clavicle. 

Dear Clavicle,

I am sorry. I am truly sorry for the times I doubted your beauty. My heart breaks at the thought that there was a time when I thought you were ugly. I want you to know that it was not personal. I want you to know that this world and all his views are not final. There will be other times where you will be misjudged and hated but know in your morrow that is not your fault. Live boldly as you do now and do not mind the belittling of the brain who wants you to follow other criterias you were not meant to stick to. 

My clavicle, do not be intimidated by those who show off a lot more ability and utility, you just do what you are meant to do and there you will shine. Do not worry if you have no ambitions, but work hard and you will get much further... If you rise above these temptations you will walk proudly among the saints, do not let the burden of the living weigh on you! Offer it up to the one who bears all things for you. 

My bow, be sharp, be ready, be straight to the point but be so in compassion and gentleness. You will be hurt, you will feel the cold wind and the hot sun but remember that neither will harm you for you are sheltered under His wings...

Finally, be not separated from the Body. There is always a desire in each bone to want to sing to her own tune but if you do so, you will die and the rest will fall... You are where you are meant to be so be there fully, be there abundantly!

Much love, 

Me

A - not-so- little- Yellow Cat Service

I visited last week a very beautiful Franciscan Monastery a little bit up in the mountains and wished in the deepest of heart that I was a monk there but then I realized that I was not wishing it for the right reasons so I stopped my wishful thinking before it went to far! 

The monks there had a lot of chicken, a few cows and an ass... For breakfast they asked who wanted to fry some eggs for the rest of us and I decided to show them some true talent in eggs frying... that is you slightly let the butter burn before you crack the egg on it (delicious really!)! Then the head friar (not sure what is the right name for that position) showed us all the cheeses he does with the fresh milk... I was not very impressed honestly but maybe because they are new to the craft! 

The ass did not produce anything of real value beside reminding me that he lives near my room window... 

I was not aware of the presence of any cats there until when a fat cat, one that at the sigh of it, would never make you think that was there by chance , showed up in the middle of our circle outside! Just when I was opening a bag of "langue de chat" biscuits!
I tried to give her one, she came close, smelled it and then looked at me... I was intrigued as to why she did not try it. I tried to give it again to her but she made me feel stupid for trying the same trick twice... I put the biscuit down and tried to pet her and to my surprise, she was very receptive! She wanted more and more! I was very glad and for some reason I decided to give her the little piece of biscuit again and she took it and ate it all in a very cute little way and then meowed an encore!

I was sitting in the circle with younger girls and we were discussing God's love when all this cat thing happened! I know! What a big topic for us to fathom... I always get nervous when I lead such discussion but the cat made me realize two things! First of all that the message I am trying to pass is a very sweet and delicious biscuit, better than honey so I should not really worry there! But secondly, that to be able to deliver any message and for it to be accepted I need to show, in palpable acts, my love to the hearer and that is basically a real call for service! And suddenly I remembered Jesus and the miracles- amazing how slow my brain can be sometimes!!

There were a lot of animals there... I think I missed some other lessons but I am resolved to serve from all my heart all the days of my life till I die!!

Thank you catito! 

Promenade in Green

When I go by Baltimore,

Leave no carpet on the floor.

Come along and follow me.

We'll go down to Galilee. 

Green, green rocky road

Promenade in green

Tell me who ya love,

Tell me who ya love.

No deep thought will follow but very happy happenings will!

I had this song playing in the car (Green, Green Rocky Road) when I saw a woman really wearing green top to bottom passing by! I was very delighted! I was smiling so big that the cars around me thought I was crazy (rightfully so!). 

I could not stop thinking about how little coincidences can leave one so genuinely pleased till another one happened! and it was green too: The two lovely people I work with were absent today (not a very lovely thing) and work was rather busy, especially for someone who does not multitask like me! I wanted to join the rest for the coffee break but I ended up staying inside dreaming about a good cup of iced coffee (it was very hot today!) when suddenly I see a beautiful lady passing by my window holding in her hand a sweaty and wonderful green logo-ed Starbucks cup! I immediately started plotting how if she gets in I will make her forget it on my desk and I start monologue-ing out my amazing speech that will make her forget the world... no! I sort of guessed that it was one of the doing of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost Monday! And indeed it was for me! Her mindfulness was so touching! A gift in need is a gift indeed (or something like that...)!  I wanted to thank her deeply but I ended up telling her a story! And she was such a gracious listener that I felt that I needed to thank her for that too - I thought oh dear me! I am getting into a thankful spiral- a beautiful thing to fall into! 

All these green happening made me joyful! After all we are in May! In Spring!

 The season to be "twitterpated"!!

Election Stain

Last Sunday I was supposed to be practicing my amazing powerful right of electing my representatives! But the two lists competing for municipal roles (in the far end of the world) got into a sort of agreement that they split the six years duration between them, three each. There was, though another election that I was able to participate in, picking the person who will the official paper work in my far far away village!! The process is rather systematic but it was still very fascinating for someone who have been denied the right to vote for so long! At the end, after putting your choice in a box, you sign and then dip your finger in a sort of ink bottle that keep your thumb stained for almost a week no matter how hard you try to remove it! This got me thinking of  two stains one can get... the stain of sin : I thought I really do not want to joke with that! I mean it can really corrupt! My thumb was truly ugly for a few days! I did not want my soul to be like that not even a little tiny thumb in it! But the second stain that the election ink got me thinking about is the Blood of the Lamb and the name of the Father written on the foreheads  of those who follow Him... It was reassuring to know that the bad stain a sin makes can be removed by Him but trying to remove that little fingertip ink and seeing how hard of a work it was left me realizing how deep the effect of the Lord Blood shed was! Not that I used to take it for granted, I was always in awe at His wonderful work of salvation but sometimes one small thing can make you understand a much deeper truth.... Purifying me was not an easy work and I will do my best, by His grace, not to make Him work more (one can always dream and hope!)... I was so happy my thumb was looking normal again! 

Closing Doors

The first thought that came to my mind when I started writing this post was: 

A series of unfortunate event... 

After my cake mishap, comes my not very pleasant but fruitful experience with doors... 

I love doors very much so and give them all the due respect! I have never driven with an open door for example and I will never slap a door in your face if you ever visit me! 

Unfortunately, in this life, not everything, treats you the way you treat them! And even though doors usually reciprocate my love, yesterday was not one of these days! 

I was carrying some grocery bags and I thought I opened the door wide enough for me to have time to enter and let it close alone behind me (I guess maybe I am a little at fault, I got so used to automatic sensors that I lost my proper sense of sensing!) but the door was too quick or thought I was faster than I am and it hit me in the back of my foot so so hard that I almost fainted from the pain! It bled a river and got swollen in all the colours of the rainbow (it still looks pathetic today and hurts a lot!)! 

Nonetheless, in this moment of inexplicable pain I had a lucid moment of revelation! 

I have heard before that we should never leave open doors in our lives for the devil and I always wondered, who on earth wants to leave an open door for him! Yesterday I realized that it could be that we closed the door it but we did not make sure it was properly shut leaving him a chance to snap quicker than our will to fight!  I thought too about the fake open doors that we see in our lives because we want to make way when there's obviously none and we go for it but it ends up being a closing one and it hits us hurting us so badly! 

O for a gentler way to learn...

But it was a opportune time for me to learn from my pain! I will be searching this season for any fake open doors in my life and make sure I properly close them!

My 100th Post: Eternally Finite and Infinite Eternity

I have been thinking for quite a while about what can I possibly write about for my hundredth post (woohoo!). As usual, whenever I think about something it never comes and when I stop thinking it just pops up (Nature is begging me to stop my useless thinking I guess...)! Hence comes the post number one hundred on a bitter-sweet tone as it should be for such a celebration!

Morn with me if you may!

Yesterday I spend about three hours preparing a cake for a friend before Lent as a little token of my love to her... It was done, beautiful and smelling a heavenly smell. While waiting for it to cool a bit before I transfer it to his  pretty box home I made for him,  he fell, broke into a million piece and died. I was crushed with it! I shed a couple of very warm tears (I realized that you might think that my life is a hyperbole but I promise it is not as melodramatic as it sounds!!):

Some broken things may never be whole again

Some lost things may never be found

Some dead thing may never come to life again

Some old things may never be renewed

Some pasts may never be present again

And that is really okay!

At the same time, while something in my heart ached something in my mind reminded me to be thankful in all circumstances. Something in my heart ached not only for the cake but for all lost things in my life, all lost things around me... I started to think about all those bakers who might have lost loaves of bread that would have fed their family and something in my head prompted me to say a prayer for them... And suddenly my dead cake rose in as a sweet offering for all those who are suffering loss, whatever kind it may have been, in their lives... Suddenly, truly, the poems and verses I read in my life about phoenixes rising from aches or beauty from pain or waters in the deserts came back to my mind so vividly bringing another dimension, a human dimension to my little cake... 

Rejoice with me, you must!

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

 you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.

Psalm 31:11

My broken life was made whole in Him

My lost life was found in Him

I was revived

I was renewed

I was living an eternal infinity in a finite moment 

and that is really the point!

Happy 100th to me! 

*Confetti and balloons*

Beloved

A bruised reed shall he not break, and the smoking flax shall he not quench. (Isaiah 42:3)

9 November
music
storm
light
window
car
Lebanon
love
time
body

Drawing is mine

I have been standing where everyone has stood, on the top of the Cedars Mountain in Lebanon and thinking, as everyone has thought (though not, perhaps, said), that it was created in defiance of all imaginations. Such beauty, such wonder, such power, such greatness! It belittles not, it lifts up.

I have been standing there and my mind was drinking the wine of quietness and swimming in the ocean of possibilities. Evening was coming on and in the light of it all the colours so simple and yet so subtle seemed to fit together and make it perfect to tell a story. My story.

It was in November. The ninth maybe, or maybe a day or two earlier… date are so unimportant that we give them so much space in our lives; do you think about breathing?The air was so crisp, you could almost catch it in your whole body, as if in anticipation.I was sitting on the wooden bench in the old cathedral, surrounded by the smell of the burning incense and the glow of the candles. I have been waiting, and the waiting time my brothers is the hardest time of all! But out of hardship, as you have often heard, grows the most splendid of things: the purest, the simplest, the best.One can enjoy obscurity as easily as light. It is in the warmth of the womb that a baby is formed and in the depth of earth that a seed is buried.

I was waiting for her but she never came. Chanting filled the place but there was no music in me. My life was shattered before me. I was crushed. I could barely breath and all the bravery in me vanished when the last effort of holding my tears in, failed. 

A measure of love is how often you are willing to lose because of it. I lost everything. I wanted to die but if God omnipotently says, "Thou shalt live," man shall not say, "I will not." The living always has hope and I was not dead yet. My heart was filled with a new hope in the midst of darkness. Hope transfigures even fear. I heard the poet repeating to me his old line, “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may” and so I gathered my strength as one soldier would for the last battle and left the haunting past behind me! I walked towards my car, slowly, gravely, but with steadfastness and for the first time in my life I realized that to love is not to grasp. I set her free. I set the idea of her free, and that was harder. 

As I was walking, with nothing behind me and nothing before me, it started to rain. At other times I would have been annoyed but today I thought it was a blessing. It washed me and I was glad. I was the bird that evaded every net: the wild deer that leaped every pitfall. As the storm was getting stronger, lightening filled the sky in almost an organized orchestra! And to my eyes it seemed as if some sudden vision had been given me! Sing to the Sun, and it will rise! Dance to the wind, aim high, the Highest and you will find your way. Even as the voice spoke the earth rocked beneath my feet! I was stirred and I turned in circles. One idea was pressing on. To start singing… to start dancing… just there in the middle of nowhere… I thought, dear me, I will look like a fool! I will seem like an idiot… but what if I was already a fool, what if the idiots are the smartest. I had to try. I had to do it. When one thought is that strong, it is hard to keep it in. I sang and danced till there was no force left in me and I decided to abandon my car and sleep in the field.

When I woke up, I found myself under a cedar tree and through its young branches sunlight glimmered, green and gold. All the air was full of a sweet mingled scent! I laughed, and the sound was like music, or like water in a dry land; I have not laughed like this in a long time. 

By now, I was ready for my morning coffee. I thought I will take it in one of the small village cafes! It was a perfect day! It is always a perfect day before that imperfect thing happens, obviously. I was looking for my keys but I could not find them! I searched all my pockets, my backpack, everywhere around me, in vain! I knew they were with me last night, I came using my car! Maybe I forgot them in it, I believed. So I walked in the direction where I parked it, wishing that today the rain will spare me, and it seemed like it will. I was not planning on another session of madness! One is enough to set one’s life on the right tracks: Jonah slept in the whale’s stomach and I in the earth’s; his mission was Nineveh, mine was my life. I was ready! 

As I was heading towards my car, I notice the windows down! Oh noes! I shouted! It must be filled with all the waters from last night’s showers! I panicked. I rushed to inspect the damages but to my great surprise, I see someone occupying the back seats! 

I should have warned you that my story was a classic, I should have liked to sound as if it was a novelty but it is not, yet, certainly, for those who love life, nothing is a repetition. Everything is new under the sun for him that is not vain! 

Nevertheless, I will spare you the details and skip to the end… She carries sunshine wherever she goes and I diffuse happiness around me. We met on the ninth of November (she remembers dates). I loved her right away. She took time – to wake up first- but time my brothers is the sweetest challenge of all.

 ♪♫♪

Ode To Joy

Oh friends, not these sounds!

Let us instead strike up more pleasing

and more joyful ones!

Joy!

Joy!

Joy, beautiful spark of divinity,

Daughter from Elysium,

We enter, burning with fervour,

heavenly being, your sanctuary!

Your magic brings together

what fashion has sternly divided.

All men shall become brothers,

wherever your gentle wings hover.

Whoever has been lucky enough

to become a friend to a friend,

Whoever has found a beloved wife,

let him join our songs of praise!

Yes, and anyone who can call one soul

his own on this earth!

Any who cannot, let them slink away

from this gathering in tears!

Every creature drinks in joy

at nature's breast;

Good and Bad alike

follow her trail of roses.

She gives us kisses and wine,

a true friend, even in death;

Even the worm was given desire,

and the cherub stands before God.

Gladly, just as His suns hurtle

through the glorious universe,

So you, brothers, should run your course,

joyfully, like a conquering hero.

Be embraced, you millions!

This kiss is for the whole world!

Brothers, above the canopy of stars

must dwell a loving father.

Do you bow down before Him, you millions?

Do you sense your Creator, o world?

Seek Him above the canopy of stars!

He must dwell beyond the stars.

"An die Freude"- Friedrich Schille